Ironman Australia Part 4/4 - The End of my Race

This is the time to withdraw. I decided, even if I could possibly make it back on the bike, there was no way I should run a marathon with a bad back, especially considering I would have swum 3.8km and cycled 180km before the marathon. I could risk being out for months or potentially doing permanent damage. I realised that nobody would be disappointed with me, I was making the right decision. I found someone who was marshalling an intersection and asked if they had a radio to call it in to get a SAG (Supporter and Gear) wagon.

I got off the bike and felt a little sorry for myself while he called it in. I had to confirm my name and race number, he then had to check my timing chip, bike and helmet to confirm they all matched. They offered for me to sit in the shade, even offered me a hammock to lay in, personally I couldn't think of anything worse at that. With the tri suit designed to cool you, especially once you’ve started to sweat in it, I was getting very cold so standing in the sun was my preference. We had a great chat while we waited for the SAG wagon and it was awesome to cheer on everyone else from the sidelines, I can safely say that I knew exactly what they were going through.

About 20 minutes after I had officially withdrawn I was sitting in the Hilux heading back to transition. It was interesting hearing the chatter over the radios as they had the official tail car behind the riders who weren’t quite keeping the minimum pace. I would have been maybe an hour ahead of that vehicle when I withdrew, but with the pain I was in, I probably would have ended up being pulled out on my way back to town anyway.

We got back to transition and I had to go take my timing chip back to the withdrawals tent. I felt almost embarrassed at this point again. Yes I was in a significant amount of pain, but I was doubting my decision and, could I have finished? I handed in my chip, went through the process. Then headed over towards the finishing area to grab my street gear bag which had my phone in it so I could contact people and let them know what was going on.

I saw many people who were genuinely worried for me which was nice, Drew my coach caught up with me and reassured me that I had made the right decision in pulling out. There will be another time and I will become an Ironman. But if I had continued and failed then I might not have been able to physically do it again in the future. We went to the finishing area, I collected my phone and contacted mum.

We went to meet mum at the Glasshouse, Sapphire saw me and as soon as she did she started running towards me with love in her eyes. All the pain and disappointment that I was feeling up until that point left my body. Seeing her just being so happy to see me and proud of me for her own reasons was all I needed, I may not be an Ironman yet but I'm a dad and thats all that really matters!!!

We made the trek back to the car to put my bike on the roof, stroller in the boot as she was full of energy. Time to collect my transition bags and more importantly find some food. I still had a fair amount of energy, but in all fairness, I had planned on doing a marathon that evening so there was a reason I had a bit left in the tank.

It was a bit of a struggle to get my stuff from transition, I had to explain my situation as they were about to close transition. However as I already had my bike it wasn't such a problem. I had everything now and went to find Mum and Sapphire again, they were on the phone to dad explaining everything. It turned out a lot of people were following my progress over the course of the day and had wondered why my speed had dropped significantly and then picked up again (my timing was getting updated when we drove past the timing points in the SAG wagon)

Being a dad was the most important thing to me again and as Sapphire had already eaten I decided it was best that we just headed back to our accomodation and I would eat the frozen pizza I'd bought the night prior. My race was over and though I would have enjoyed the atmosphere of the finish line and watched my fellow squad mates finish, I was having a little down moment and just wanted to have a shower.

On our way back to Laurieton I was coming up with all the positives of not finishing the race, such as being able to drive still, not being a zombie the next day, still having energy now etc. In all honesty when we got back there, it was great to get my trisuit off, have my shower, take some codeine and then finally get a chance to go through all 80 Facebook notifications and 15 unread Messenger conversations.

I really did appreciate all of the support that I got from everyone on race weekend, whether they were on the sideline at the course, on Facebook in Australia or back home in NZ, it really does help. And within hours of leaving the course I had decided that I will be back in 2019. This course will not beat me again.

The next day was nice, we didn’t have to head back into town to collect anything. Which meant we could go at our own pace and see all the sights of the area. Port Macquarie and its surrounds are beautiful, I am happy I got to race in such a great area with a community that really gets behind the event. My back was still in a lot of pain on the Monday which made me happier that I had decided to withdraw.

In Conclusion

I know I wouldn’t have been able to finish the race with that issue. But the amount of effort I had put in just to get there in the first place with all my hiccups along the way was more than satisfying enough.

Three years ago I couldn’t swim, yet I swam 3,800 Metres on race day and still had enough in the tank to do over 100km of cycling.

I had never ridden more than 100km in a single effort before the start of 2016, yet in the lead up I rode a 180km ride and genuinely know that I had the energy to complete that on race day.

I know that energy wise I would have been able to complete the marathon at the end of the day, it wouldn’t have been pretty but I would have been able to do it

There are a huge range or feelings and emotions on race day and even more in the lead up and training along the way. There are dark moments and a lot of pain and going without. But the highs are so intense that they more than make up for it.

I will relive that day for the rest of my life and getting it down own in writing will help me, even just writing this has made me feel every emotion as I type.

Doing an ironman is not for everyone, yes a lot of people would be able to complete it. But is it worth it? Training for this is very selfish, you cant do it on only a few hours a week, you have to put in long sessions which often can take you either away from family physically or just in your mind. I would start wind trainer sets at 3 or 4 am to get the majority of it done before Sapphire would wake up, is that really a life you want to lead? If you have a partner training with you, well that makes a great difference and I am very envious but I don’t recommend it be the end goal of every age group triathlete.

Saying all this, will I do it again? Yes 2019 I will dominate this course and will take on others in the future.

However for now my focus is to make the New Zealand age group team for the short course world champs in the Gold Coast in 2018, as well as to become a qualified and competent coach to help other people accomplish the goals they wouldn't have previously thought possible